(This brief reflection on the nature of gossip, and "why not", was delivered online, during Covid-19 quarantine, at an evening service for youth conducted by my church. It was composed and delivered in Russian. This is a translation from my notes, which doesn't of course match perfectly what I may have said, including spontaneous digressions, at the service. But on the whole it's what I conveyed.)
When they asked me to talk about gossip this evening, I almost joked, "For or against?"
Well, of course, "against."
Yet, in point of fact, why "against"?
It isn't murder, adultery, stealing, it isn't even lying....
"After all I'm telling the truth! Well...probably. Well, okay, there's a commandment against false witness, but if I'm 100% sure about everything I'm passing on, then what's to stop me?"
But what if the gossip is about you?
"Ah well, that's a different story."
No, it's not a different story. It's the very same story. But we'll come to this later.
I told another friend that I'd be talking on this subject today, about how gossip is bad, and my friend, joking, said, "But if it's interesting?"
Well, yeah, uh--duhhh.
That's the whole point of the matter. It's easier than easy to reject gossip when it's not interesting. It tempts precisely because you want to find out--there's something delectable in it.
The Irish writer and satirist Oscar Wilde said, "I can resist anything except temptation."
I think you catch the meaning of that humor.
"I can reject all gossip, except the interesting kind."
Similar humor.
And though we chuckle at it, the humor itself exposes just what sort of trap this temptation conceals.
Why is gossip tempting? How does it entice us? .
Maybe you'll find it interesting that the English word [remember, reader, that I preached this in Russian!] for "gossip" is "gossip." And the origin of this word says a lot about the notion itself.
The first part of the word "gossip" derives from the same ancient root from which we get the Russian word "Gospod'." [Gospod' is the Russian for "Lord."]
"Gos-" connotes mutual relationship, between a host and guest. Both [English] "host" and "guest" derive from this root, since they represent the two sides of the same relationship.
And the second part of the English word is -sip, which derives from the same ancient root as the Russian words sebe [self], svoi [one's own], sobstvenniy [proper, one's very own]. The English word "siblings" comes from this same root; it means one's own brothers and sisters.
So "gossip", according to the English term, is an attempt to assert power and superiority, via exposé--yet secret exposé ("strictly between us!")--over those whom I consider for some reason not entirely worthy of my full respect, or, let's say, love. I want to own them, like property.
And this impulse, this pull, this tug, emerges from our own sense of inadequacy, insecurity, failing of some sort, a certain vulnerability and fear. We fear that others will control, possess, us, and to fend this off we attempt to take control of them first, and with what?
With a surreptitious exchange of information, news, intelligence, as if through our knowing everything about them they have been reduced to pieces on our chessboard.
You could sum up that impulse like this: "Do to the other before he can do it to you."
But what principle asserted by the Lord does that contradict?
Matthew 7:12: "And so, whatever you want others to do to you, you do the same to them, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."
Allow me, in the present context, to lightly paraphrase this principle:
"Concerning gossip, do to all people what you would do to your closest friend."
Now, right there in your head, imagine the one person in your life about whom you know, 100%, unconditionally, you would never, with anyone, under any circumstances, gossip; no matter WHAT you knew about this beloved friend, you would rather DIE than say to somebody else about them, "You know what I heard about...?" Even to think about doing so horrifies your soul. So, yes, go ahead, picture that person. Hold that image right there on movie screen of your mind. Do you see them? Okay, now ask yourself this question:
"WHY would I never gossip about him, about her?"
Go ahead, ask. And now, answer....
You answered? Good. Now, ask yourself another question:
"Why then would I gossip about anybody else?"
....
"Concerning gossip, do to all people what you would to your most precious friend."
A high standard?
Well, what kind of standard are we called to by Christ if not to a high one?
I said that the pull of this temptation derives from our inner insufficiency. We feel vulnerable, helpless, insignificant, maybe ignored and neglected, and gossip affords us an illusory sensation of power. However much I possess information about others, that much do I own them. Knowledge is power, and power is security.
That's the essence of the temptation and its trap. It's an utter lie.
It's not power, it's not even "knowledge" in the positive, fruitful sense, and it isn't remotely security. On the contrary, it's the degeneration of love and defilement of truth.
And we all know this, because there is always somebody in our life whom we would never hurt with gossip, otherwise we would feel like the most despicable traitor in the world and couldn't live with ourselves.
We all understand this.
Which raises the question: How much are we called by God to cherish, not one, not two, but all our brothers and sisters in Christ?"
Answer the question for yourselves.
Every temptation appeals to some need in us that, in fact, is not a sinful need. But sin is the fulfillment of that need by means that contradict and reject God's love, holiness and truth.
God knows us. He knows our deepest, most crying needs, worries, and feelings of inadequacy and insignificance, and He offers to meet those needs through the wholeness of love, in purity of conscience, and in fully authentic relationships between all God's children.
Turn to Him for the answer to your needs. His answer will always rest in love.
